Pride

Pride is a sin that I didn't realize I struggled with terribly until recently. And let me tell you pride is an abominable sin. God hates pride and unfortunately it's a sin more Christians deal with than any other. I'm not an self absorbed person by nature so I just always assumed I didn't have a pride problem, but boy has God showed me otherwise the last couple of months. It all started with me having a prideful attitude with my husband and saying that I thought I could drive better than him and not two seconds after that came out of my mouth I hit crammed the side of our new van we had only had for a week into the side of huge concrete pillar. Talk about a wake up call. And from there I have had little circumstances come up in my life that have really made me reevaluate my prideful attitude. I realized that I've been going through life thinking I had everything figured out. Thinking that I knew up from down, but turns out I was wrong. I don't know it all. I've learned to quit trying to have it all figured out all the time and take life day by day. Isn't that what Jesus said to do anyway?

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 

I was taking pride in breastfeesing and having judgemental thoughts about others who didn't breastfeed. Only to come down with Bells Palsy & be on medication where I could no longer breastfeed & had to formula feed my daughter.  I was taking pride in being a  "co-sleeper" because that's the only right way. Wrong. My daughter sleeps so much better in her own bed and so do I. I was taking pride in home schooling because your not a real Christian of you don't home school. Wrong! God finally slapped me in the face and said wake up! Your child will be so much happier at a preschool where he could play with kids because that's all he ever wants is somebody to play with. 

God has really knocked the pride out of me & I praise him for that. I can't truly love others if I'm thinking judgemental thoughts about them. And I've seen it play out in my own extended family, if you want to tear your house down be a judgemental Christian. It's not going to turn out pretty, trust me. 

I had set such high standards for myself in my head that weren't even obtainable. If you haven't read the book Real Christianity I highly recommend it. One phrase in the book really got me. It was saying we can never be enough, do enough, pray enough, etc. for God that is the whole point of Jesus! When you quit trying to climb a ladder to God and quit having prideful thoughts about every "good work" that you do, you finally get to enjoy real Christianity. There's no room for judgemental thoughts in real Christianity. There no room for a prideful heart in real Christianity. It's about love. The two greatest commandments: 1. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind & strength & 2. To love others as yourself. When you start focusing on those two things & get off that ladder you start seeing life in a whole new perspective of joy, peace, & life. Before I was doing all these "good works" or what I thought were good works, but I was exhausted, miserable, & bitter. I was jealous of every Christian who I thought was taking the easy way out like sending their kid to preschool or putting their baby to sleep in their own bed. I wanted everyone to be as miserable as I was. I was just going to through the motions hoping that when I got to the top of that ladder I would find this joy, peace, & life everyone was talking about. Life is short & I don't want to get to the end with a big pile of "good works" because it's not enough for God. Jesus is enough.  That's all God wants me to do is to have a relationship with Him not perform for Him. 

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

I did not feel free. I was saved, but I felt trapped still in bondage not of sin, but of feeling like I had to perform God to be a good Christian until I realized that wasn't even biblical! This verse is spot on when biblical truth finally sets in it sets you

 free! 

Now I'm focusing on my relationship with Jesus not a list of do's and dont's. I'm focusing on loving others & being patient and kind. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 

If your following Jesus and your burden doesn't feel light like mine didn't maybe it's time to reevaluate. It's not us working for Jesus. It's Jesus working through us.